Hi,

Just to let you know that the new Mouse of Commons novel: A MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING, is now available from www.Lulu.com

This adventure involves Charlie Grrr himself - as well as all sorts of other peculiar odd and mysterious goings on which Gladstone McWhiskers has to help solve.

The paperback edition can be purchased for £9.99 from the following link:

http://www.lulu.com/content/230668

The hardback edition can be purchased for £14.99 from the following link:

http://www.lulu.com/content/444803

Charlie insists that you read a copy - even if you have to steal it or else he will drool repeatedly over you and gobble up all your pies. What a bally bounder! ;(

Growls and best wishes,

Paul x

PS I have recently been working on a fictionalised version of the LOCH PIE MONSTER story, which is due to appear in the prologue of GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE BEARGRRRIAN DILEMMA, which I am currently working on.

THE TALL TALE OF THE LOCH PIE MONSTER!!!!

Last time I wrote, I promised to tell the tale of the Loch Pie Monster and how Charlie Grrr dealt with the foul beastie.

As you can see - the Loch Pie Monster is truly a quite fearsome creature and it is true to say that Charlie Grrr did meet it - at least, just the once...

However - it would also be true to say that when Charlie Grrr saw the Loch Pie Monster - he simply RAN AWAY!!!

But not every bear acts in the same way and this was most certainly not the only sighting of the Loch Pie Monster by one of the furry kind; for only a week or two later, deep-deep in the countryside...

...Charlie's son - the great and growly Charlie Junior - had his own encounter with the gingerbread smelling Loch Pie fiend - and he dealt with the situation in quite a different way!!!

It all happened, one early autumn day - quite recently, when Charlie Jnr was out in his little car, Marigold The Fur-st.

He'd come out for the day - to take a little stroll down the canal...

...And to first an old monument... Not his father, mind - but a castle!!! (hehe)

However, the Loch Pie Monster was out and about too, that day!!

The beast soon spotted the little bear walking along the towpath and decided that he might make a nice snack...

Charlie Jnr was shocked, as he was about to enter one of the tunnels - to see the creature looming out of the darkness at him!!

Junior had two options - to face the beastie or to act like his father had - AND RUN!!!

BUT Junior didn't choose the running option - Charlie stayed to face his adversary!!

Junior stood and fought and very soon afterwards he found himself tucking into a delicious snack!!!

"Ah, well..." he thought as he drove home. "When it comes to the countryside - if you can't join 'em - EAT 'em!"

To finish with this time - here we have the photo of Paul's legs which previously I described as being far scarier than the Loch Pie Monster...

I'm right, aren't I!! Yiiiiiiikes!!!

All the best, Charlie fans!!

MORE SOON!!! xxx

PHOTOS FROM A BIRTHDAY BEAR

SUNDAY 10TH SEPTEMBER 2006

Charlie, Kissifer and an edible friend...

De Vere didn't want to be left out of the birthday pictures...

Charlie had been expecting a slightly bigger birthday cake - he ate 72 and a half of those before getting full, you know!

Charlie Jnr shows up for the party!

Charlie admires his birthday card - whilst Jnr dreams of his future as a champion pie eater...

Charlie and Kissifer are accosted by a rebellious gingerbread thug on his way to the lake!!

Charlie's interest in the lake is limited - unless the rumours of the Loch Pie Monster are actually true...

Charlie enjoys reading his birthday card - he's not actually one years old mind - that's just how long he's been living with us!!

Charlie is slightly disappointed at finding no pies residing inside his card...

Charlie agrees to pose with a fan...

NEXT TIME:

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CHARLIE MEETS THE LOCH PIE MONSTER AND A SCARY PHOTO OF PAUL'S LEGS!!!

OH MY!!! WHICH IS SCARIER?!?!

CHARLIE GRRR'S BIRTHDAY SPECIAL - PART 2

Hi, Today I'm posting the second of the versions of how we first met Charlie, last September. Yesterday we posted my version written and today it is Charlie's turn to tell his version of events.

* HOW CHARLIE GRRR MET US!! *
by Charlie Grr, Himself…

Of course, the way I see it, is slightly different – I’m not denying that I’m very grateful for the help, but I do think we’ve all benefited quite evenly from us meeting. I mean, who was Paul before he met me? Exactly! So, you see my point…

It was a most embarrassing afternoon – that day in late August when I popped into TK PAW and didn’t leave for another two weeks. The truth can be told here, that the reason I’d entered the shop hadn’t been that I was in search of some bear socks for my large bear feet – but that in fact I had fallen head over paws with a lovely little furball who’d I’d seen in the shop and presumed was just shopping, like myself. I’d even begun trying to have a conversation with a doll on one of the shelves about possibly introducing me – but all she would say was “Mama” – and I quickly realised that the furball I’d been so keen on was nothing more than a stuffed toy bear!!

But that was just the start of my bad fortnight…

“Hey Sid…” came a voice – it was one of the shop assistants and they’d spotted me. “One of the bears is going walkies – someone must have put some new batteries in him…”

“Don’t be stupid, you fool!” I informed him. “My name is Charlie Grrr and I am a visiting celebrity from the country of Beargrrria… I know your British Education System is pretty hopeless when it comes to proper geography, but for your information, Beargrrria is on the tip of Bulgaria! In fact according to them it’s actually part of Bulgaria – but they would say that…”

But before I’d had any time to say any more – I’d been scooped up by a rather tarty looking member of staff with large hooped earrings and wearing a short skirt and blouse that looked like it hadn’t seen day light since 1973 – or possibly had been hanging in someone’s spare bedroom as curtains. The gentleman in question’s name was Sid and his co-worker was an old lady nick-named “Grandma” who was one of the till-“girls”…

“How dare you cart me around like a sack of potatoes!” I protested – but this did no good at all and no sooner had I growled in dismay than they’d whacked a security tag on me – priced me up at £17.99 and stuck me on the shelf! (The shame of it! Each strand of my fur is worth twice that much!) Still in shock, I didn’t have time to protest, before they’d closed the shop for the night and left me there in the dark with all those annoying stuffed toys.

Over the next two weeks I went through all sorts of trouble! I didn’t have my phone – and I couldn’t reach one without passing through the barriers and setting off an alarm. Each time I did this I got picked up by a security guard who thought someone had been playing with my batteries. I even resorted to trying to get customers to lend me their phones or on one day I tried to thieve one from a passing yob, who I hoped might try to steal my security tag, at very least. Alas he just stole all my clothes…

Of course, I was exceedingly embarrassed to be left naked in the store and I did try wearing a couple of nice frocks that were probably meant for overweight teens! Well, at least they fit me! All the same they were pretty itchy and that darn doll kept teasing me and in the end I got hungry and ate the stupid frocks. They were even less tasty than the foam pies I’d discovered on the first day – which was pretty much my staple diet for those two weeks.

It was on the 9th September, a Saturday – that I caught the first sight of Mr Chandler, little realising that he and Mr Neph were to be my saviours. There I was – scoffing a pie – or maybe half a toy bunny rabbit – but no-one’s going to get me to admit to that… Anyway – over they came and I sort of froze on the spot – and stupidly thought that maybe Paul might scream and call security if he saw me moving about noshing away on the shop’s produce. Part of me did wonder if, maybe they actually worked for the shop in some managerial role. But no…

To be perfectly frank with you I was beginning to go native – it may only have been two weeks since I’d entered the shop, but to me it seemed like much longer. I’d gone from being indignant and wanting to leave, to becoming scared to be manhandled by the security guards. I’d decided to find my own way out – maybe dig a tunnel or go invisible or bungi-jump, which is hard when you’re in a basement department! I’d had all sorts of plans – but the trouble was I was beginning to become used to my new life style – it was bringing out the lazy bear in me and I suppose I simply wasn’t in as much a rush to leave as I had been …

As I say, I really wasn’t thinking straight…

Because I’d been acting so stupidly I lost my opportunity to ask for help and Paul and Neph had moved on by then. I was furious with myself, thinking I’d never see them again, of course! In some ways this revelation shook me into making more of an effort to return to my old life – so I could go back to being the wonderful, charming, talented, furrytastic star I am today!

That night I sat up late trying to think of a plan with only that darn “Mama” doll for help. At one point she did suggest that I dress up like her mum and escape that way – but that girl couldn’t help but bring her mother into every conversation, so in the end I rejected her idea and tried instead to nibble the fire alarm in the hope of causing a distraction, so that I could slip away once the fireman arrived. Alas, I nibbled the wrong wire and set off alarms in a hotel on the opposite side of the square.

Little did I know that this was the hotel where Paul and Neph were staying and that perhaps if I hadn’t triggered the alarm they might have slept more soundly and had a long lie-in, never having had the time to return to the store to rescue me…

Luckily, fate was on my side – fate and a whole load of ill-mannered soft toys with whom I was wedged onto a shelf with next day when the shop opened. I had this little routine after closing time, where I had pretend arguments with the toys – pretending they were old managers or ex-bearfriends with whom I’d fallen out. Each night I had my fake arguments and I’d toss the toys off whichever shelf I choose to sleep on that evening.

“It’s ghosts!” claimed Sidney. “Or poltergeists – or both!”

“It’s your stupid imagination you dingbat!!” Grandma berated him but, of course, it was nothing of the sort – it was me!

I can’t tell you how surprised I was when I saw Paul and Neph in the shop again that morning and how shocked I was when they came over to speak specifically to me. “Are you okay?” they asked. “You don’t look as if you belong here…”

“Well, I don’t!” I explained. “I thought I saw one of my relatives here and the next thing I knew I’d been kidnapped…”

“That’s dreadful!” exclaimed Paul. “What with you being the ultra-famous, fabulous superstar Charlie Grrr…”

Ok – maybe I’m putting some words into his mouth, but I’m basically paraphrasing the gist of things. “You know me?” I enquired modestly. “Little ‘ole Charlie Grrr? I’m so flattered and yet quite embarrassed to hear that! You’re not a stalker are you?”

“No, we’re big fans!” explained Paul. “We know Shy Yeti and we know you often read his poems in your concerts… You’re practically responsible for his success – and what’s more Mr Grrr we think you’re stylish, tremendously talented and marvellous…”

“Why thank you!” I beamed. “But right about now, I’m also naked! Could you get me out of here and get me some clothes!”

“Clothes, Charlie? Don’t you want pies?” Paul asked.

“Pies would be nice too!” I agreed. “But I think the fact that I’m naked is of more pressing attention! I do hope nobody tries to take my photo with one of those camera phones…” Neph assured me they wouldn’t let that happen and so I suggested my idea. “Take me to the counter and buy me and then we can all leave!”

“What a wonderfully clever idea!” exclaimed Paul and even I had to admit I was a bit of a genius. That’s the thing with Super fans – Paul was so glad he could help me, that I’m pretty certain he was crying tears of joy when Neph paid for me. I, of course – was merely grateful – I wouldn’t have cried or anything!

…And so, having paid – we hurried from the store and headed for the pie shop – sorry, I mean – headed to get me some nice clothes and make sure I was dressed! The pies came later! In the end Paul was so insistent that I accepted his offer to go live at his flat and – well, over the months we all became good friends – and so that is how we met and that is how the story goes…

What a privilege it must have been for them to meet me!

Well - that's all for now... Hopefully we'll have some photos from Charlie's party to post up here next week! Bears only sadly - no humans - even Neph and I have to dress in bear suits. The star guest of the party is the bear in the picture below. Who might he be, you'll be wondering? Well - that's Charlie Junior, Charlie's son - and he makes his first appearance in the Mouse of Commons novel GLADSTONE MCWHISKERS AND THE MOUSES OF PARLIAMENT, that I am currently well over half way to finishing...

Anyway - Happy birthday Charlie!!

More soon...

Yeti Hugs,

Paul xx

CHARLIE GRRR BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE

Sunday 10th September 2006

Hi Folks,

On Sunday September 10th 2006, it is a year exactly since Neph and I first met Charlie Grrr in a shop in Manchester. As Charlie doesn't seem to be at all sure when his real birthday is and exactly how old he is (although it was recently discovered that he has been releasing singles since AT LEAST 1975 - we are going to celebrate his birthday this weekend. In celebration of the fact that he has also been living with us since 11th September, I shall also be putting up his rent - from that date. hehe.

We start the celebrations with a detailed account of how our very first meeting transpired and will follow it tomorrow with Charlie's version of events. Hopefully there will also be some photos from the bear's birthday posted sometime next week.

Charlie is currently busy preparing for a World Tour and also for promotional work for the next Mouse of Commons novel; A MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING - a book in which he stars and which is due out in the next few weeks.

* HOW WE MET CHARLIE GRRR!! *

By Paul Chandler

I can tell you the day I first met Charlie Grrr – I’ve actually got it noted in my diary. The first time I saw him was Saturday 10th September 2005 – in the department store TK PAW in Manchester, which is under the GROWLMARKS in the Centre of the City. I was up there on a book signing, with my Assistant Photographer, Neph Mexico (at the time simply known as Master Nephtali) and we’d decided to go shopping and there we were, in TK PAW just looking to see if there were any bargains and with a shopping list as long as the Great Wall of China, from my flatmate, a bear named Marcel, when who should we see in the toy section, but this fine looking bear squashed onto a shelf.

“Oh!” I said to Neph. “Do you think he’s supposed to be like that – he looks a bit stuck?” Neph wasn’t sure, to be honest. “Is he really a toy bear?” I wondered. “He looks very real…” He did indeed and appeared to be tucking into some suspiciously foam looking pies. Neph suggested that I ask him if we could help and so I did just that. “Mr Bear…” I said. “My friend and I were wondering if you were a real bear or not… And if you’re okay… You look a little squished… Is there anything we can do to help?”

The Bear sort of froze and looked embarrassed. His mouth seemed full and he didn’t move. Neph wondered what was up with him – but just in case he was dangerous I drew my friend away to a distance. “He’s certainly a real bear – but I’m not sure what’s wrong with him?” I said. “Best to leave him I suppose…” Neph agreed and so we did just that and we left…

That night, we had a fine evening, dining out with some friends in China Town and having a couple of drinks – but, to be honest – my mind was on the bear we’d seen in the shop earlier that day. The next morning, having slept restlessly due to a fire alarm being triggered off for no reason at about 3am, I still felt concerned about the bear’s situation and so, over breakfast, I spoke to Neph and admitted this and he suggested we went back.

As it happened – we still had a couple of hours to kill before our train arrived, my chauffeur being unavailable that day - and so as soon as the store opened we hurried down to TK PAW to see if the bear was still in the toy department. To think – if we’d have booked an earlier train or the shop hadn’t been opened on a Sunday we might never have got to know Charlie.

Still, it’s no point regretting things now!! (joke!!)

Anyway, there in the shop I wasn’t really expecting to still see the bear. “He’s probably gone by now!” I told Neph, although I still wasn’t sure why a real bear would be visiting toys. Just as I spoke I noticed Neph excitedly pointing at the shelves. “My goodness!” I declared. “It’s him – he’s still there – that bear!!” I noted for the first time that he wasn’t wearing any clothes – but I didn’t like to say anything and thought it best to remain discreet. There he was, on almost the same shelf as we’d seen him yesterday, but looking more ruffled and hungry and squashed than before. “Hello…” I whispered, coming up close and noticing he didn’t have any pies this time. “Are you okay? What going on?”

The bear’s face brightened as he saw us and he obviously recognised us too. “Do you have any real pies?” he snuffled. “I’ve just eaten three from this shelf that turned out to be pillows and now my tummy is full of little feathers…”

“We don’t have any pies with us!” I told him. “But if you come with us I’m sure we could get you one! What about some clothes – maybe we ought to sort you some new clothes too?”

“Clothes? Oh – I suppose so – but pies are the priority!! Thing is, you see – I really can’t leave!” he explained. “I’d love to come with you – but I’m being held hostage!! You couldn’t help me, could you? My name’s Charlie Grrr – I’m a top tv celebrity in my own home country… If you’re really nice to me I can get you a genuine and not at all forged signature of The Beartles…”

“Don’t you mean The Beatles?” I corrected.

“No!” Charlie sighed. “The BEAR-tles! The Beatles just copied us! Don’t say you’ve never heard of us! We were massive in Beargrrria until those Liverpudlian larrikins stole our thunder!”

“Ok, right!” Neph and I weren’t at all sure what to make of this bear, but he seemed friendly enough and we wanted to help him. “You said you were being held hostage – what happened?”

“I was shopping!” he explained. “I’d planned to speak to someone about arranging a gig down in some bear pub on Canal Street – but, well – I never got to keep the appointment because some stupid girl here thought I was a teddy bear and whipped a security tag around my neck and – well – I’ve been here for nearly two weeks now… I keep trying the pies on the shelves – but they’re made of foam – I’m starving! I had to eat a posh ladies hat the other day and I’m afraid I also stole her shopping too – but it was all salad! Ikk!” he frowned sadly and made a face.

“Why didn’t you speak to someone?” I enquired.

“I did!” he told us. “They just thought I was battery operated and each time just put me back on the shelf! I wouldn’t have minded, but the doll opposite kept giving me the eye and calling me “Mama” and I’m really not that sort of bear!”

Neph laughed and I had to try and silence him by feeding one of the pillow pies and sending him off to sit the corner. “Why didn’t you try to escape?” I enquired.

“I did!!” Charlie insisted. “As I said – they either thought I was battery operated or the security alarm on my neck kept going off… I couldn’t get rid of it! It’s so unstylish – plain white plastic – not even a diamond stud or a frilly piece of lace to spritz it up! You’re the first people to notice me and ask if I needed any help!”

I nodded. “Sounds like you’ve had an awful time! You’re family must be missing you… Didn’t you have a mobile phone?”

“Back in the hotel!” he sighed. “Although I’m sure it’s long been snuffled by one of the hotel staff – either that or I have a very large hotel bill to pay later… As for family – I don’t have any over here – the folk from the Beargrrrian embassy wouldn’t even know where I was in the first place and as for my friend De Vere he’s always away on business… Oh, it’s such a mess!!” he almost sobbed and I think even a tear or two fell upon his fur.

“Well, don’t worry about it any more…” I told him. “We’re going to get you out of here… I suppose we’ll have to go and buy you or something… Is that okay? If you want to come back to London with us you can always lodge with us for a while…”

“Really!” exclaimed Charlie, excitedly. “Really truly!?”

“I have a flatmate who’s a bear…” I said. “Marcel – he’s an explorer! I’m his biographer – he and this guy called Shy Yeti…”

“Shy Yeti!” exclaimed Charlie. “The poet?” I nodded. “I know him! I met him once – I often read his poetry at my shows!”

“That’s great!” I agreed. “But we really must get you out of here before someone thinks I’m mad talking to you like this! Do you know how much you cost?” Charlie shook his head and looked embarrassed. “We’ll ask at the till!” I said. “Just don’t sneeze or speak or act suspiciously, okay? Not until we get out of here!”

“Okay!” agreed the bear. “Then you’ll take me for a pie or five?” I told him I would, suspecting that he already knew his price, but embarrassed how little they’d priced him up as.

“£17.99…” said the lady at the counter – it sounded plenty to me – but Charlie obviously didn’t agree. Thankfully Neph had the money as I hardly had any at the time and so we paid and left.

“I’ll be writing to complain, you know!” Charlie said furiously, once his tag had been removed. “I’m a big star, you know! I won’t put up with this sort of appalling behaviour!!”

The cashier looked at him strangely. “Okay love!” she laughed and then turned to me. “Bit gobby this one, chuck…” she said. “You’ll probably want to take the batteries out…”

“Oh yes…” I nodded. “If only it was that easy…”

Never a truer word has been spoken in jest, dear readers!

TOMORROW!!!

HOW CHARLIE GRRR MET US!!!

Hello Everyone!!

I'm so sorry that I've not posted in absolutely ages. My little diary postings sort of petered out because nice Mr Chandler decided to use my adventures as the source of one of his Mouse of Commons books: A MOUSE IN BEAR'S CLOTHING, which is currently being proof-read and will hopefully be available in September. Another of the Mouse of Commons adventures: MOUSE IN A BOTTLE is due out at the start of August and I'm happy to announce that I also feature in one or two of the short stories in the short story collection: MOUSE TALES AND MICE TAILS, which should be available in the autumn. Not only that but I'm also in GLADSTONE McWHISKERS AND THE MOUSES OF PARLIAMENT - an even newer Mouse novel which Paul is currently working on!!

It's all go in the world of Charlie Grrr - not that I'm having to do very much about it - just sit back and eat pies and plan my next world tour.

One item of Charlie merchandise that can be already purchased, again by the lovely Mr Chandler is his new poetry collection: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL, which I edited and posed for photos for. It's a very colourful collection (although can also be purchased more cheaply in black and white) For further information take a look on www.lulu.com and just type Paul Chandler or the titlt into the search engine!! Da-taaaa! There it is...

How marvellous!!

Do have a look at least - you'll be able to see the cover - I'm looking very handsome indeed!! ;-)

Pies and grrrs...

Charlie xxx

* POST No. SEVEN

CHARLIE GRRR MEETS JASPER GROWL…

Jasper Growl was rather a disappointment at first glance – I’d kind of imagined someone grander – someone more impressive somehow. He just wasn’t that at all! He was kind of old, I suppose somewhere between one and a hundred years old – but he was looking good on it, to be honest. He was quite short and quite plump – with mad sticking up fur like some sort of made ursine professor. He wore tiny spectacles and white lab coat – the only hint that he was anything more than dull and business minded was the small red badge on his coat that read: I LUV FUR.

“Come in – come in…” he called out as I paused in the doorway, uncertain whether to wait or step forward. “I can spare you about twenty minutes – I have another client to see straight after and then I’m due to be fitting a chastity belt at three… So, I’m really rather busy…”

“Oh… Right… Well, I’ll come in then…” I said, rather aloss for words – my eyes, however, darting around the room incase my costume might be hanging from a coat hanger somewhere. “It’s nice to meet you…” I continued. “Finally…”

“I’m sure it is…” nodded Jasper distractedly, playing with some papers in his hand and glancing at his watch as if my arrival was some sort of inconvenience to him. Suddenly, he stared right back up at me. “I can hear your brain ticking over and I can see your eyes twinkling! You’re excited, yes? Excited about what the future might have in store?”

“I was rather wondering what you were recommending I wear, to be exact…” I explained. “I’m very excited about wearing one of your creations – I’m quite a fan…”

“Of course you are!” Jasper nodded. “Why wouldn’t you be? I’m extremely good at what I do and I presume you’re of at least average intelligence and appreciate my talent…”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that! This was someone who made me look like some kind of modest Samaritan who not only had been born egoless, but wouldn’t have understood the meaning of the word arrogant if it had jumped up and kissed them full on the lips. “Well then…” I said. “Do you have something exciting for me… I’m aware that they who rule around here would prefer me to only socialise out and about if I’m wearing a disguise or something…”

“Are they saying you stand out too much or something?”

“Yes – well I suppose that’s partly it… I was expecting London to be slightly more open minded about it’s tourists…”

“You expect much too much, Mr Grrr…” smiled Jasper. “In someways London was a far more cosmopolitan, modern and accepting city in Victorian times than it is in the early days of the twenty first century…”

“You think so?” I queried, scratching my furry head to fathom quite where he’d gotten his information from. “How come? What makes you say that…”

“Oh I dunno…” Jasper replied flippantly, squinting slightly. “It just sounded grand so I thought I’d just say it anyway – nothing factual… Anyway…” he got up from his desk and hurried me across his office. “Come over here – I have something to show you… I need to know what you think of it?”

Nodding, I followed him across to a display stand, a mannequin if you will and there upon the mannequin was the finest – the most impressive set of robes you have ever seen. It was as if they’d been weaved by some ultra intelligent pack of spiders. Yet, these were spiders had woven these garments from the finest gold, silver and bronze fibres. I don’t exaggerate when I say they were fit for a king and most certainly they were fit for a bear such as myself. “They’re amazing!!” I chimed. “Mr Growl – they’re perfect!”

“You may call me Jasper…”

“Jasper, these are fantastic! I love the way the crown is oversized so that it slips down over the face of the wearer. It’ll make a perfect disguise! I’ll just say I’m Visiting Royalty!”

“Disguise!?” exclaimed Jasper a little confused. “Oh no… This isn’t your disguise… This is just something I knocked up for a little dinner party I’m giving this evening…”

My face fell – Jasper must have noticed. “Oh…” I heard myself growl disappointedly. “It’s just that I thought…”

“Sorry… No… I just wanted your opinion… Still, I’m glad you like it!” beamed Jasper. “Now – come this way… This is something I’m sure you’ll like to see…”

“Really?” before I could ask any more he was hurrying me up some stairs to a little balcony where there was a rather vibrant display set up. It almost looked like something out of a museum. This time the mannequin was of a beggar – a Fagin type and the whole backdrop was set as if it was Victorian London or something similar. As I say – the figurine was dressed like a beggar, but when the clothes are made by Jasper Growl the finished result is something rather magical. The detail was perfect – the coat – like some kind of large duffle coat came with a hood. It was the garments of a man down on his luck – but it was beautiful made. The richness of the product aligned with the type of person it had been made for was quite exquisite – quite curious – an attractive anomaly.

“What do you think, Mr Grrr?” asked Jasper – eager to see my reaction.

“Do call me Charlie…” I insisted and then continued. “It’s gorgeous, Jasper…” I replied. “So beautifully made – this must have taken you ages to design…”

“Not really, Charlie… I’m a fast work and I employ good workmen to cut the cloth and sew the materials… I design the clothes – but I love the work… So you like it, then?”

“Very much!” I nodded, circling the mannequin to admire the coat from all angles. “It’s amazing, Jasper – and just my size – it should disguise me wonderfully – much better than being a king – better to dress conservatively and move around the city unseen…”

Jasper frowned again. “I’m very sorry Charlie… But there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding here… I’m afraid that this isn’t your costume…”

“Oh right…” To be honest I was getting cross at this. What did he have in store for me, then? It could either be something wonderful and elegantly crafted – but if so then why couldn’t I have had one of the other two costumes? I was afraid now… I feared that what he had in mind for me was going to be nothing more than a sheet with two eyes hacked out of it! “May I see what you’ve made for me now, Jasper?”

I didn’t want to offend him, but feared I probably had. “Oh, very well!” he flounced. “I was under the misconception that you’d be interested in some of my recent work – you did say you were a fan – but I see that in fact you’re not really very interested at all!”

“Not at all, Jasper… I’m just a little bit stressed… My arrival in this country has been dogged by all sorts of hiccups and…”

“Yes, well I’m no more concerned by that than you’re concerned about my designs it would seem – I’m just here to provide you with something to wear…”

“EXACTLY!!!” I thought to myself but said nothing and let him lead me towards a cupboard at the far end of the balcony.

“Here you are…” he said. “This is yours… Try it on… I hope you like it… If you need me to take it in or make it bigger cos you’ve put on some weight then just call one of my tailors… I’m afraid I have another appointment, Mr Grrr! Goodbye now! It’s been most enlightening!”

“But Jasper, please…”

“Mr Growl to you…” he called after him, with a sob in his voice as he almost fled back passed the Fagin display and down the stairs, a vision of billowing lace and clasping a handkerchief over his nose.

“Blimey!” I muttered. “I made Jasper Growl cry!”

This had not been the intention, at all! I felt rather bad about it and also a little concerned about whether I’d be allowed out safely from Growl’s Underground Fashion House. After meeting the journalist, Nephtali down in the basement and after him vanishing into the shadows without me noticing I did indeed fear for my existence. To be honest – I quite literally grabbed my costume from the cupboard – open mouthed in shock I didn’t even try it on – it looked big enough, but I wasn’t staying to try it on. Within minutes I was on my way out – asking directions back to reception and within ten minutes I was back out on the street and only too glad to see Deeley waiting for me in the taxi.

“Take me home!” I called to him. “Back the Embassy… I’ve had enough for one day…”

“Sure boss!” purred Deeley. “You got your disguise?”

“I got it…” I replied.

“Any good?”

“Not quite what I expected…”

“Does it fit? Can I see?”

“You’ll see sure enough… If you’ll be good enough to accept the position as my permanent chauffeur then you’re bound to see it eventually….” I showed him what was inside the Jasper Growl bag I’d purloined from the Fashion House.

“Blimey…” exclaimed Deeley. “Now I wouldn’t have thought of that one…”

And neither would I!

I expect you’re wanting to know what exactly Jasper had made for me. Well, it was lovingly made, of course. In his usual grand detail and using all the best materials. Using my measurements he’d made me a disguise that fitted like a glove…

But it wasn’t a coat made for Royalty and it wasn’t a jacket made for a beggar…

Oh no… Jasper Growl had made me a suit that covered me from top to bottom. The sort of thing you’d see the team mascot for a football team wearing or one of those people who collects for charity on the streets. Jasper Growl had made this bear a suit that closely resembled a wild animal – but a quite obviously it was simply a suit – not an identical replica. A novelty costume or replica like those mascots or the pantomime horses you see on stage… The sort of costume a man would wear – no-one would think twice if a bear was hiding inside one instead… It was the perfect disguise and one that allowed me the freedom of the city – to blend in – in some bizarre and typically London manner…

It’s just that his choice of novelty animal was especially ironic.

Jasper Growl had made me a bear suit!!!