* POST No. SIX:

CHARLIE GRRR AND THE WAITING ROOM… *

As you may have gathered by now the dates when I post my little musings do not relate to the dates on which they occur. Infact they occurred some while back – not years ago – but some days or weeks ago in some cases. The dates are NOW – in periods when I have time to write – so sometimes, if I get caught up in some pretty pickle or other I get delayed and then lose track of what I’ve been writing…

As you can see – it’s been a few days since I last posted. I have been caught up in all sorts of predicaments over the weekend – but I can’t possibly tell you about them now, but needless to say they were exceedingly exciting and I shall write about them in a while. I’ll say one word – SHY YETI… and leave it at that. You’ll see what I mean, when I reach that point of the story.

Anyway – as of NOW, I’ve got a few spare minutes to post again and pick up from where I was back on Friday morning at whatever god awful time of day I was typey-typing away for your enjoyment. Of course – where we last left the story I’d just entered JASPER GROWL’S SHOP – been dropped through a large trap door in the floor by a rather irritating and rude receptionist called Lucky and found myself talking to a photographer named Neph, who then promptly went and vanished…

As it happened I wasn’t supposed to have been dropped through the trap door and where I was supposed to have ended up was Jasper Growl’s Waiting Room – which is where I will pick up the story. This was quite a different kettle of fish altogether – for as dull and dark as the “Trap door room” had been – the Waiting Room was a place of perfect splendor. In fact I enjoyed it so much that I stayed the night and some of the following day – partly because Jasper Growl was taking so long making my disguise for me and also mainly because I was loving it there…

The Waiting Room was Paradise, basically… Not only was the room full of fine art and colourful paintings, but you should have seen the spread that was being laid on for me as I arrived – all SORTS of pies containing flavours beyond my wildest dreams. (Porcupine and Leek!) On top of that I had never in my life tasted anything quite as delicious as the Parakeet and Broccoli flan which came with an Edam and Basil dressing!! Oh my! The deserts were almost as good and the 12 layer chocolate cheesecake served with a mandarin sorbet was probably the nearest thing to heaven I have and will ever encounter.

What is more there was entertainment! A couple of bears doing stand up – some dancers – singing – theatrics and what can best be described as creative striptease.

All this merriment went on for hours and as the night wore on I was shown to an area where I was allowed to sleep, in probably one of the most comfortable beds I have ever had the pleasure to take shut-eye in.

There was still no sign of Jasper Growl – but right about then I can’t say I was especially bothered. However, eventually, around lunchtime on my 2nd day in the Waiting Room I received a note from one of his assistants that my costume was practically ready…

JASPER GROWL IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT YOUR DISGUISE IS NOW READY FOR COLLECTION. PLEASE JOIN ME FOR COFFEE AFTER LUNCH AND YOU WILL BE WELCOME TO TRY ON THE GARMENTS. (BUT WOE-BETIDE YOU IF YOU GRUMBLE AT ANYTHING UNLESS IT’S SO TIGHT IT CHOKES YOU!!!)

I was slightly taken aback by some of the wording at the end of this memo – but I took it in my stride. There was no denying that Jasper Growl ran a rather odd business here – but at this stage I was still extremely glad that the meeting hadn’t been scheduled until AFTER lunch – having enjoyed it so much the previous day…

“Please take a seat Mr Grrr…” called one of the assistants - at first I thought it was Douglas, the cub I'd met before who had made me very comfortable on my arrival in the Waiting Room. However, this one's fur was darker and Douglas wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Mr Grrr - Mr Grrr - please be seated..." insisted this new bear. “Dinner is served…”

I took my seat at the table and stared at the rich picking before me… “Oh…” I said. “Is it the cook’s day off?”

“No!” the assistant looked surprised. “He has his good and bad days I’ll admit and I apologise – yesterday’s meal wasn’t his best – but today he’s back on form… In fact I probably should apologise for the entertainment too – you’ll find it a lot more fun here this dinner time…”

I nodded as the assistant bowed and then scurried away. Obviously his view of what was good and bad was slightly different to mine… For when I described the rich pickings before me I was most certainly being sarcastic. Upon the table was a rather tatty pile of marmite sandwiches covered in wilting lettuce leaves and something which might have been cheese mould. There was soup too – but that looked cold – in fact – to be honest it was so cold it was frozen solid and one of the waiting assistants appeared to have got his tongue stuck to the ice where he’d made the mistake of trying to lick up a couple of croutons on the way from the kitchen. What is more there weren’t ANY pies and not a quiche or a flan in sight and as for the pudding let’s just say that the cream in the chocolate éclairs weren’t so much off as positively crawling out the door and at one point had to be recaptured and returned to the table…

“Not hungry today?” asked the assistant, sounding concerned.

“I had a rather large breakfast…” I lied – infact I’d slept through breakfast and by now I was starving. They were beginning to bring out the entertainers by now – and the first lot they were wheeling out (I mean literally wheeling out) appeared to be a choir of old age pensioner bears who seemed half asleep and were quite immediately proven to be totally out of tune. “I think I’m ready for my after dinner coffee…” I said to the assistant.

“Oh…” the assistant looked a bit disappointed. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to eat some more? Perhaps you’d just like to wait until the entertainers have finished…”

“NOT REALLY!” I snapped. “I really need to see Jasper Growl – RIGHT NOW…”

“Oh…” the assistant was beginning to tire of me in the same way as the receptionist, Lucky, had done so the previous day. “Okay…” he continued – running a paw through his fur to disguise his irritation. “COME WITH ME…” he boomed and checked quickly on his pager. “JASPER GROWL WILL SEE YOU NOW…” he said. “YOU WAIT ‘TIL YOU SEE WHAT HE’S GOT YOU WEARING…” he giggled.

“What? What exactly do you mean?” I called after him worriedly – but the anonymous assistant was already heading away and I had to jog to keep up with him. The grand doors at the end of the room were already swinging open and I was worried they wouldn’t stay open long enough for me to get through…

At last I was about to meet Jasper Growl…

TO BE CONTINUED…

CHARLIE xxx