* POST No. SEVEN

CHARLIE GRRR MEETS JASPER GROWL…

Jasper Growl was rather a disappointment at first glance – I’d kind of imagined someone grander – someone more impressive somehow. He just wasn’t that at all! He was kind of old, I suppose somewhere between one and a hundred years old – but he was looking good on it, to be honest. He was quite short and quite plump – with mad sticking up fur like some sort of made ursine professor. He wore tiny spectacles and white lab coat – the only hint that he was anything more than dull and business minded was the small red badge on his coat that read: I LUV FUR.

“Come in – come in…” he called out as I paused in the doorway, uncertain whether to wait or step forward. “I can spare you about twenty minutes – I have another client to see straight after and then I’m due to be fitting a chastity belt at three… So, I’m really rather busy…”

“Oh… Right… Well, I’ll come in then…” I said, rather aloss for words – my eyes, however, darting around the room incase my costume might be hanging from a coat hanger somewhere. “It’s nice to meet you…” I continued. “Finally…”

“I’m sure it is…” nodded Jasper distractedly, playing with some papers in his hand and glancing at his watch as if my arrival was some sort of inconvenience to him. Suddenly, he stared right back up at me. “I can hear your brain ticking over and I can see your eyes twinkling! You’re excited, yes? Excited about what the future might have in store?”

“I was rather wondering what you were recommending I wear, to be exact…” I explained. “I’m very excited about wearing one of your creations – I’m quite a fan…”

“Of course you are!” Jasper nodded. “Why wouldn’t you be? I’m extremely good at what I do and I presume you’re of at least average intelligence and appreciate my talent…”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that! This was someone who made me look like some kind of modest Samaritan who not only had been born egoless, but wouldn’t have understood the meaning of the word arrogant if it had jumped up and kissed them full on the lips. “Well then…” I said. “Do you have something exciting for me… I’m aware that they who rule around here would prefer me to only socialise out and about if I’m wearing a disguise or something…”

“Are they saying you stand out too much or something?”

“Yes – well I suppose that’s partly it… I was expecting London to be slightly more open minded about it’s tourists…”

“You expect much too much, Mr Grrr…” smiled Jasper. “In someways London was a far more cosmopolitan, modern and accepting city in Victorian times than it is in the early days of the twenty first century…”

“You think so?” I queried, scratching my furry head to fathom quite where he’d gotten his information from. “How come? What makes you say that…”

“Oh I dunno…” Jasper replied flippantly, squinting slightly. “It just sounded grand so I thought I’d just say it anyway – nothing factual… Anyway…” he got up from his desk and hurried me across his office. “Come over here – I have something to show you… I need to know what you think of it?”

Nodding, I followed him across to a display stand, a mannequin if you will and there upon the mannequin was the finest – the most impressive set of robes you have ever seen. It was as if they’d been weaved by some ultra intelligent pack of spiders. Yet, these were spiders had woven these garments from the finest gold, silver and bronze fibres. I don’t exaggerate when I say they were fit for a king and most certainly they were fit for a bear such as myself. “They’re amazing!!” I chimed. “Mr Growl – they’re perfect!”

“You may call me Jasper…”

“Jasper, these are fantastic! I love the way the crown is oversized so that it slips down over the face of the wearer. It’ll make a perfect disguise! I’ll just say I’m Visiting Royalty!”

“Disguise!?” exclaimed Jasper a little confused. “Oh no… This isn’t your disguise… This is just something I knocked up for a little dinner party I’m giving this evening…”

My face fell – Jasper must have noticed. “Oh…” I heard myself growl disappointedly. “It’s just that I thought…”

“Sorry… No… I just wanted your opinion… Still, I’m glad you like it!” beamed Jasper. “Now – come this way… This is something I’m sure you’ll like to see…”

“Really?” before I could ask any more he was hurrying me up some stairs to a little balcony where there was a rather vibrant display set up. It almost looked like something out of a museum. This time the mannequin was of a beggar – a Fagin type and the whole backdrop was set as if it was Victorian London or something similar. As I say – the figurine was dressed like a beggar, but when the clothes are made by Jasper Growl the finished result is something rather magical. The detail was perfect – the coat – like some kind of large duffle coat came with a hood. It was the garments of a man down on his luck – but it was beautiful made. The richness of the product aligned with the type of person it had been made for was quite exquisite – quite curious – an attractive anomaly.

“What do you think, Mr Grrr?” asked Jasper – eager to see my reaction.

“Do call me Charlie…” I insisted and then continued. “It’s gorgeous, Jasper…” I replied. “So beautifully made – this must have taken you ages to design…”

“Not really, Charlie… I’m a fast work and I employ good workmen to cut the cloth and sew the materials… I design the clothes – but I love the work… So you like it, then?”

“Very much!” I nodded, circling the mannequin to admire the coat from all angles. “It’s amazing, Jasper – and just my size – it should disguise me wonderfully – much better than being a king – better to dress conservatively and move around the city unseen…”

Jasper frowned again. “I’m very sorry Charlie… But there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding here… I’m afraid that this isn’t your costume…”

“Oh right…” To be honest I was getting cross at this. What did he have in store for me, then? It could either be something wonderful and elegantly crafted – but if so then why couldn’t I have had one of the other two costumes? I was afraid now… I feared that what he had in mind for me was going to be nothing more than a sheet with two eyes hacked out of it! “May I see what you’ve made for me now, Jasper?”

I didn’t want to offend him, but feared I probably had. “Oh, very well!” he flounced. “I was under the misconception that you’d be interested in some of my recent work – you did say you were a fan – but I see that in fact you’re not really very interested at all!”

“Not at all, Jasper… I’m just a little bit stressed… My arrival in this country has been dogged by all sorts of hiccups and…”

“Yes, well I’m no more concerned by that than you’re concerned about my designs it would seem – I’m just here to provide you with something to wear…”

“EXACTLY!!!” I thought to myself but said nothing and let him lead me towards a cupboard at the far end of the balcony.

“Here you are…” he said. “This is yours… Try it on… I hope you like it… If you need me to take it in or make it bigger cos you’ve put on some weight then just call one of my tailors… I’m afraid I have another appointment, Mr Grrr! Goodbye now! It’s been most enlightening!”

“But Jasper, please…”

“Mr Growl to you…” he called after him, with a sob in his voice as he almost fled back passed the Fagin display and down the stairs, a vision of billowing lace and clasping a handkerchief over his nose.

“Blimey!” I muttered. “I made Jasper Growl cry!”

This had not been the intention, at all! I felt rather bad about it and also a little concerned about whether I’d be allowed out safely from Growl’s Underground Fashion House. After meeting the journalist, Nephtali down in the basement and after him vanishing into the shadows without me noticing I did indeed fear for my existence. To be honest – I quite literally grabbed my costume from the cupboard – open mouthed in shock I didn’t even try it on – it looked big enough, but I wasn’t staying to try it on. Within minutes I was on my way out – asking directions back to reception and within ten minutes I was back out on the street and only too glad to see Deeley waiting for me in the taxi.

“Take me home!” I called to him. “Back the Embassy… I’ve had enough for one day…”

“Sure boss!” purred Deeley. “You got your disguise?”

“I got it…” I replied.

“Any good?”

“Not quite what I expected…”

“Does it fit? Can I see?”

“You’ll see sure enough… If you’ll be good enough to accept the position as my permanent chauffeur then you’re bound to see it eventually….” I showed him what was inside the Jasper Growl bag I’d purloined from the Fashion House.

“Blimey…” exclaimed Deeley. “Now I wouldn’t have thought of that one…”

And neither would I!

I expect you’re wanting to know what exactly Jasper had made for me. Well, it was lovingly made, of course. In his usual grand detail and using all the best materials. Using my measurements he’d made me a disguise that fitted like a glove…

But it wasn’t a coat made for Royalty and it wasn’t a jacket made for a beggar…

Oh no… Jasper Growl had made me a suit that covered me from top to bottom. The sort of thing you’d see the team mascot for a football team wearing or one of those people who collects for charity on the streets. Jasper Growl had made this bear a suit that closely resembled a wild animal – but a quite obviously it was simply a suit – not an identical replica. A novelty costume or replica like those mascots or the pantomime horses you see on stage… The sort of costume a man would wear – no-one would think twice if a bear was hiding inside one instead… It was the perfect disguise and one that allowed me the freedom of the city – to blend in – in some bizarre and typically London manner…

It’s just that his choice of novelty animal was especially ironic.

Jasper Growl had made me a bear suit!!!